I think that one if the distinct differences in the diagnosis is the willingness to show vulnerability. Remember that your words, love, and support go a long way in helping your loved one to heal, even if the results are not immediately evident. While you can attempt to be sensitive with the things you say and do, thats not always possible, and its not always clear why something sets off a trigger. There, youll also find thoughts and questions by our community. It's a horribly helpless feeling to watch someone you love in pain. An open letter from those with BPD Jul 15, 2019 An Open Letter to People who do Not have Borderline Personality Disorder from Those of Us who Do Click here to watch the Video Transcript: Dear Friends, Family Members, Lovers, Ex-lovers, Coworkers, Children, and others of those of us with Borderline Personality Disorder, You can see glimpses and more and more of who that person really is over time, if you dont give up. It's nice to hear this from a BPD perspective. Sometimes I hate him. On the resources page of. I am sorry I didn't get help. The last incident was only a week ago and it took two days and me apologising in the end in order to solve the problem. Our 25 year old daughter tried to kill her self last night also. Maybe its the first time you fell in love, or the worst argument you have ever had with someone you love. Debbie, Hi Andrea you are very welcome. I'm fortunate enough to have a man in my life who is willing to put up with my ups and downs, how mean I can be for no reason so many things. I guess my point is, Is there hope for a person with BPD that can even realize that something is wrong despite I can see many symptoms?Thank you so much for your guidance. Maybe Debbie wants to add the Ducht version at her list of translations on her website? Aww *hugs* what an insightful post! Many times I wanted to give up but he is crying out loud inside that I cannot afford to leave him like that. I am sorry that my borderline personality disorder (BPD) got in the way of our family and us. We may take on the attributes of those around us, never really knowing who WE are. She spent years in a mental hospital when she was younger now look at all of the people she's helped and continues to help. This post is just to give you an idea of the typical suffering and thoughts those of us with BPD have. She is a wonderful Woman and I love her with all my heart, my life, my everything. Tonight tho as she is in the psych ward I feel as tho my world is crashing down around me. A Letter From a Woman with BPD I got an email from a woman with BPD. I have subjected myself to 2 abusive relationships, and have 2 children by both of my abusers. Just be there for her in the end when she needs you. I knew I had been depressed earlier but nothing major to me. It takes even more work when there I thought we would be okay, but then something I did angered her. I wish she would recognise her need to make changes with help. I have lost my best friend and the love of my life to untreated bpd and have been in agony while she instantly moved on. In Borderline Personality Disorder, many of us experience identity disturbance issues. I need them to but as an outcast to society, I dont see it. I was left out of the loop as to her condition and was very depressed. You have to find the tools that work for you personally. She has a 12 month lease but says she may come back sooner if go into rehab for her ( I am working on my issues with a therapist). It wasn't untill this year, despite 15 years of being labelled, i was able to get that changed. Encourage self-care. . None. Impulsive, risky behaviour. Our struggle, particularly as we prepare for our first child, is that this grandparent usually rejects all diagnoses and has not been able to successfully initiate and maintain any treatment regime (medication or therapy). I was lonely, worried and scared. ive stuck with her while she tells people 1365 dif reasons we arent together. A certain song, sound, smell, or words can quickly fire off neurological connections that bring us back to a place where we didnt feel safe, and we might respond in the now with a similar reaction (think of military persons who fight in combat a simple backfiring of a car can send them into flashbacks. Symptoms of borderline personality disorder (BPD) at work can vary, including the different ways that these symptoms can affect your job performance and ability to "fit in" with your coworkers. All the feelings of worthlessness came flooding back into my head. My wife, whom I believe has undiagnosed BPD, was hospitalized in February for SI. My own experience with my BPD mother was one in which my father, siblings and I were often blamed for her erratic behavior and unstable feelings. These episodes can get farther and fewer between, and we can experience long periods of stability and regulation of our emotions. He said many times that he wanted to show me love and treat me right but he thinks that his selfishness and pride are preventing him to do so. I have been diagnosed with BPD, Obsessive Compulsive PD, Histrionic PD, Avoidant PD, Dependant PD and Depressive. I am so torn. P.S. I may feel hopeless, but I dont want other people to. Having BPD is no picnic, either. I know its because you had to. Debbie you have said what we all struggle to say. I am about to give birth to my first child and one of my baby's grandparents most likely has Borderline Personality Disorder (previously diagnosed with Paranoid Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Depression, and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, but many of us believe BPD is a more comprehensive explanation and DBT type therapy/interactions are the only things that have consistently had a positive impact). Now that I know she has BPD, it is too late for me to do anything more to help her. Thank you for the letter and I have seen a lot of younger people diagnosed early in life.I remember feeling this suicidal attempt when I was 15..but never went for any therapy..I just lived life and had my children and worked all the time too. I would be a misserable person with no goals. I am grateful for this letter. I loved your letter. It felt as though my very real issues were being labelled as some sort of 'mood swing'. , Rainbow, I am so pleased and happy that this letter will be helpful to you. But I fear that she will never forgive me if I maintain I didn't do anything wrong. Thank you so much for this letter. It will help many (like me) who haven't put all these beautiful words and explanations together in such a succinct and informative way.You should be very proud of this as you have quite a command of BPD and how to present it in a respectful and honest manner. Most of my family doesnt believe in my diagnosis, and any friend I ever made has left because of the brief periods of time when I couldnt control my emotions. It has been the most challenging part of my entire life, I love her unconditionally and with all of my heart yet it never seems to be enough, to be noticed, to be accepted. My mother has informed herself about bpd, so that she can give me the support I need in a way that I can accept it. I promise you I wanted to be the man you knew, and I desperately wish we could put things back together. I have never sought treatment (aside from counseling) for my BPD, because mostly group therapy is suggested and the last thing I want to do is talk to a bunch of strangers about my problems . I pray that she is able to find a place where you are now. Happy for you both. There are other online DBT resources starting up (I will be co-facilitating one of them!) Another thing that you may find confusing is our apparent inability to maintain relationships. So for the next two months she drove an hour each way to attend IOP. Thanks for giving others hope by being a partner who is interested in learning more about his girlfriend's condition, and please also be sure to use very good self-care and seek support for YOU, too. It sounds like your Mom cares to find out what's happening for you. There is a FUTURE, just DONT GIVE UP, be STRONG, get HELP. Refresh. No one is perfect and no one has life figured out, we are all troubled in some way. This is called splitting, and its part of the disorder. Thank you for taking the time to leave this kind comment, and more importantly, for the wonderful work you are doing to help hurting people. While she was packing one day I played some Mavericks, southwestern country music I thought she would enjoy because that's where she is from. before you all jump on me telling me i'm in denial don't want to get help etc i've done nothing but GET HELP for years. Learn DBT Skills Online at EmotionallySensitive.com These are the skills that helped this blogs author overcome BPD! Im still scared youll meet someone now who will offer you and the children everything I cant. I'm really glad she did; now I can see mistakes that I've made dealing with her, and I know how to be a better and more supportive husband. And most importantly, maybe I had a chance to get better. I had an outstanding relationship with her with much in common and few if any disagreements to the extent that I am totally convinced that she was 'the one' for me (I'm a 48 year old man that has been around the block enough to be a good judge of this) and am not entirely prepared to give up on her. this doesn't work for everyone, at all. The letter and all the post did help me a little tonight tho. I am so incredibly happy that you have found some hope! It will take time and a lot of effort. If you make plans, try to keep them, or offer a clear reason why you can't. Make sure you're not blowing hot and cold. It's bloody hard work to change your whole life and how you live it. I also hope that you engage in self-care to take care of YOU during this stressful time. My heart breaks every day for them. Ironically, he was a doctor, a darn good one too if I might add.Now, having three daughters, I am struggling to find a way to explain to my girls that I love them despite the way I acted, and in dillema whether it's best to live apart from them for their sake since my BPD might influence their mental growth, and miss them or stay and make matters worse. I think about dying every single day. The struggle of those with BPD relationally, is rooted in a proverbial no-win situation. Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a mental health condition. And now with this kind, loving man by my side I feel comfortableand so he gets the wrath of this chaotic mind. I have absolutely no desire to go since my mother, who is one of my past abusers will be there , and I would rather slit my wrists then be around her because she triggers me CONSTANTLY and seems to enjoy doing so Please help me. Unfortunately, many kids of BPD's become BPD themselves because they learn the thought patterns, behaviors, and unstable feelings as a normal way to be. We havent outgrown this. People started telling me that I was using my diagnosis as an excuse for my bad behavior. The disregard/disbelief. Dear Friends, Family Members, Lovers, Ex-lovers, Coworkers, Children, and others of those of us with Borderline Personality Disorder. People with BPD traits often have "object permanence" issues - "out of sight is out of mind". I asked myself these questions over and over again but there were no answers. I may have recently ruined a great bond I had built with a great man. I am sorry for giving you a false perception of reality. i was wondering if you could answer something for me though. ", As an adult who is trying to work past the damage that was done growing up with a BPD mother reading the last part of your response made me cry. , I am so glad that this letter has helped you find some more compassion and understanding for your daughter. Click to enable/disable Google reCaptcha. Whenever that happens it takes her many days to recover, during which periods she will vacillate between seeming to be okay, and seething, and saying things like "I don't trust you. I feel like when i want to say something my mouth just won't move. clearly point to BPD. He doesn't even understand why he is holding back from me. I wish I knew if there was some real possibility to salvage our relationship or even that we will talk again. I wish you strength and hope as you do this work, and please always remember to also take care of YOU. In the past when she gets to busy she ends up in the hospital. i haven't figured out what i think about BPD.. i've been diagnosed with it several times and as a result the system has treated me TERRIBLY. I hope your husband is able to open his heart and read the letter. Should I also even bother being a counselor if I am like this? Don't write her off. thank you. Smiles, Well here goes. Brea, it can be really difficult when financials are suffering, but there are many people out there self-teaching the skills until such a time that they can afford to go to groups or individual DBT. Borderline personality disorder (BPD), also known as emotionally unstable personality disorder (EUPD), is a serious mental health condition that prevents someone from being able to control. ~ Dave M. This comment has been removed by the author. I am sorry for blaming you. Changes will take effect once you reload the page. Groups are not for everyone. I wish you so much healing and hope as you continue on your journey. -JB. This letter really helped me in explaining my condition to all those around me. I have been inspired by people here and I want to share my experiences with everyone as well! So hard sometimes. Thank you so much for this letter. We are not mental health professionals nor clinicians. You have come a long way and thank you for helping the rest of us!!! Her idea of help is everyone doing what she wants, on her schedule. I don't know what to do anymore. I had struggled long and hard, it was enough. , I agree with your insights and appreciate that you took the time to comment here. Thank you for taking the time to leave such a kind comment. I attended the Women's Treatment Program at the Hill Center, which is a Partial Hospitalization program focused on Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), a therapeutic model designed to treat Borderline Personality Disorder, but also proven effective for Major Depressive Disorder, Bi-Polar, and various Anxiety . Now she has totally disappeared from my life after just two years of marriage. Read it and notice the many lessons within: === "Hello Rick! That can make you act erratically. I am on the edge. There is nothing you can do to fix it. Shrug. Thanks for writing this. The relationship is different, the experiences are different, and the harm caused is different. I did get committed here. Thank you for your kind comment. I now am 49 and still have anger issues with myself but no selfharming. We may do very dramatic things, such as harming ourselves in some way (or threatening to do so), going to the hospital, or something similar. A common call to the SANE Helpline often goes like this: 'I think my partner, daughter or son has borderline personality disorder (BPD) and I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around them. I wish I had read this 6 year's ago. I NEVER RELAX. I would be very pleased to share it with you. Hi Healing from BPD-What a great letter! Celebrities and Famous People With Borderline Personality Disorder. 2022 Mighty Proud Media, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Offer to visit the doctor with them, spend quality time with them doing something you both enjoy, and tell them you love them. She has told me when she gets this sense of impending doom in the past is when she ends up in the hospital, which she has made it over a year with out being hospitalized. heartbroken77 Consumer 0 Posts: 12 Joined: Wed Nov 25, 2009 4:23 am Local time: Mon Nov 28, 2022 2:16 am Blog: View Blog (0) Paranoia or emotional detachment. I tried telling them what I KNEW I needed treatment wise, but because it wasn't available to me, they kept telling me I just didn't WANT to get better and wouldn't take the help offered even though I actually did go through all the groups offered, which didn't help because of the other issues I struggled with which they just said was BPDit wasn't. Personal trainer. I am sorry you didn't feel loved. If there is a problem with our website, please contact us here, 2023 Sanctuary Support Group | Designed by, Debbie Corso had BPD and has recovered. She stopped answering my calls when I wanted to know if she would be home for dinner and made excuses to avoid me, staying out until 10 or 11 pm and leaving at 7am each morning. You know what it's like, in a way that no therapist does, to live with BPD day in and day out. over the years I couldn't figure out why I did the thjngs I did and people dealing with my behaviors would always resort to calling me crazy. Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a long-term pattern of "abnormal behavior" that is characterized by an unstable sense of self, emotions, and relationships with other people. Which has had a negative impact in my own life and relationships. And guess what? If you refuse cookies we will remove all set cookies in our domain. I accept the consequences of my actions and how they have affected you, I didnt realize then how much it affected me too. That's fun too.) I was 16. People with BPD may experience just a few or all of these common signs and symptoms: Extreme or unstable emotions. Research has focused on the psychopathological tendencies of children whose And I know it's because I still have so much to learn. You can also change some of your preferences. I also see your side and know you must have been through alot with her and you have to protect yourself and your family. my life is in shamblesi without her, im just ad much a mess worrying about her, who shes with today tomorrow.. I tried to help her by pleading not to go back to the guy after he choked her (!!!) You sound like a good and strong person with a huge heart. My wife was diagnosed with BPD a number of years ago and it's been more of a battle for her than for me. I can't help it. Terms. Debbie, Hi Beauty thank you very much for your kind feedback. My late father could've been suffering from BPD without knowing it till the day he died, he was a dream dad at times and abusive at times. All i can say is it is a very long process. Those 9 criteria and what this letter describes is sadly what i think it is like for someone to live with me. Also, I was a VERY positive person just a few years agoI was even called a Pollyanna! Dear people, I have a professional translation of the letter in Dutch. In order to make this happen, I had to force my ex to go by order of the family doctor. Every single time you embrace my stable days when I'm the peachiest version of me you ever get to experience. I'd at least come to an understanding of what it is, how it works, what it does before she did. This is very hard!! Not all of the situations I described apply to all people with Borderline Personality Disorder. After decades of living with Depression, Anxiety and ADD myself, I knew fully well that what you think is based on the sum of your learning experiences, what you feel is the collection of emotions brought to the surface by what you think.Those are instinctive, knee-jerk reactions which cannot be helped.How you respond to those thoughts and feelings can indeed be helped.Watching my wife deal with BPD, I have seen the improvements through medication, through DBT and even ECT, but I know that it can still be the 800 pound gorilla that comes barrel-assing out of her closet every now and then.And I have all too many of my own moments.Yet for close to forty years she has been my source of safety, of comfort, because I can see her strength, I can feel her love.And I can understand, which is the most important if not only thing I can do to help. An Open Letter From Myself, With BPD, To My Loved Ones. I am going to send him this link and I hope he reads it and it helps him to understand that I'm not a monster but instead struggling with a disorder. I am scared, and I am alone. Not doing anything to make it happenjust wondering why it hasn't. I hope that everything works out in your favor. Honestly, I don't think this letter is helpful, or should have been addressed to the children of BPD's for a few reasons. Yes I can see that that it is a long difficult road. It appears you entered an invalid email. Hi there, I am now in my 2nd month of treatment for BPD, and ,sadly, had all nine of the symptoms. Everything in it's perfect timing. Somewhere between 1.6% and 5.9% of adults in the US have BPD, a personality disorder that's characterized by difficulty regulating emotion. Thankyou, I can only imagine the courage it must have taken for you to write this for us! It's sort of comforting that she said that, because it confirms that I probably finally have the right diagnosis. Debbie. The intimacy that non-personality-disordered people enjoy is stressful . Click on the different category headings to find out more. This time she almost did it. I would love if you linked to this post from your blog. There is a lot of misconception out there about BPD. Enough said. I feel helpless, powerless to get my feelings accross. Sometimes the best thing to do, if you can muster up the strength in all of your frustration and hurt, is to grab us, hug us, and tell us that you love us, care, and are not leaving. It just doesnt come naturally to us. A normal life can be had. Ultimately, the borderline creates their biggest fear. You are a strong person for working so hard to heal yourself. I could never blame them for not wanting to be around me, but this all left and leaves me with absolutely no support system. I thank you for writing this. I had alter egos and they were the fun ones but I was not me anymore. Thanks for writing this. . I know all the theory now. Your letter really helped us become closer, as it explained some things in a way that I cannot yet. I don't see what that has to do with anything. If BDP people are triggered into the abyss of misery, then so are we. If you had told me 10 yrs ago I would be happily married and eventually become a mother I would have given you the finger and told you to shut the F up. I suffered massive trauma throughout my life but particularly when i was 16 years old. My wife says she is learning a lot but she is still barking orders and yelling and telling me I am not doing things right on her behalf. I am borderline, but also bipolar, which I take medication for. We are highly emotionally sensitive and have extreme difficulty regulating/modulating our emotions. It is possible that something that you said or did triggered us. Well I better get off this pitty pottyMy Daughter just called and she is Barking also. Currently, my BPD symptoms are worsening. You have said all the things I've always wanted to say to the people who are or who have been in my life. My mom and dad talked about my fear of abandonment and decided not to go on long vacations together anymore, because I always become unstable when they do. I just wish more people were aware of how damaging the things they say really are to anyone with any kind of mental illness. He told me about the diagnosis of PD but we never discussed it. My BPD finance left me VERY suddenly, moved out while I was away, blocked me from phone contact, email contact, unfriended me on FB and other social media, sucessfully compelled her family and friends to do the same and even had a lawyer friend threaten me with a restraining order for calling her from a hotel phone twice! Have a great evening. That evening I spoke to a LCSW who was able to confirm that all her actions (plus a prior divorce, SI, estrangement from her children, abusive father and ex-boyfriends, etc.) You are not the cause of our suffering. Just let her know I sent you, and she'll be happy to help you get started. I'm hoping it will help myself and also my husband out. Any therapist helping a child of a borderline to recover will recommend that they protect themselves from the abuse and their abuser. I'd use this (edit it of course) if I was getting the help I need. I have the unique ability to "throw people off" my scent when they get close to calling me out on stuffThe only reason why I am here is because my oldest told me tonight that he knows that I am "unwell" and expressed himself honestly about those characteristics in my behavior that are destroying him emotionally to be fair, I am dealing with a lot of unnormal stuff, but am really unclear as to where it all ends and I begin I really have no idea, and I am miserable. Talk therapy is the main treatment for BPD. I suspect that my ex-wife is BPD, but I am at a loss to deal with it because she is completely unaware. I just completed my first year, and everything wasn't as perfect as I hoped it would be. I worked as part of a DBT team during the last few years before my retirement. Spot on insight!! I was diagnosed with BPD about seven years ago. All we can do is pray at this point. Originally, I had intended for those without it to read and hopefully gain just a grain of understanding. My boss surely think I'm a nutcase. An open letter to the children of a BPD parent should simply say, "I am so very sorry for hurting you. For the children of a borderline, however, this is their reality. 7. I'm constantly dropping things I'm doing or putting myself in awkward situations so I can be there. My ex is a very convincing and extremely intelligent person. This is my second year . There is a lot of misconception out there about BPD. It was so overwhelming that is when they diagnosed me with severe depression and panic disorder after taking a long test and seeing several drs. It was good to find your site. It will be a long road, but she will need the support of her family. Borderline personality disorder in the workplace. This is an extreemly complicated disorder. For me as I gained more experience and I saw the positive changes DBT can lead to, this helped me to avoid that particular trap. Debbie, what a brilliant letter! I've spent time in mental health institutions, in therapy, I have made attempts on my own life and I'm 25 years old - I feel I have been through things that most people don't go through until they are much later on in life. I am scared that I am destroying my children, whom I love so very much. I made it though, and I now know that I have so much to offer to my future clients because of my own experience with mental illnesses. Thank you for reading this. My question though is that, yes i have a diagnosis and relate to so much of what you say here, but the diagnosis and 9 criteria is just a list of a way someone is. , Oh Debbie, once again, you have kept it real. What loved ones may not realize though . please know that at the very same time that we are pushing you away with our words or behavior. Thank you once again. Thank you for taking the time to share your story. It is killing my spirit. It is very well written and to the point. You deserve to understand more about this condition and what we wish we could say but may not be ready. 1. It's a commitment, but I fully intend to be there for her and listen and work through it when she's ready. It's hard not to appear defensive when she is asking for explanations as to why I've done things. I couldnt talk to you then, and I cant really talk to you now. And to help others like you do! I have no nearby friends. Erica shares her story of being diagnosed at 18 and opening up about living with BPD. Dating someone with borderline personality disorder (BPD) can be difficult at times, but it doesn't have to be something that harms your relationship. Now she teaches DBT, has written several books and has a blog called, Previous post: Finding peace amongst the turmoil, An Open Letter to People who do Not have Borderline Personality Disorder from Those of Us who Do, this blog (Healing from BPD by Debbie Corso), Remind yourself that the persons behavior isnt your fault, Tap into your compassion for the persons suffering while understanding that their behavior is probably an intense reaction to that suffering, Do things to take care of YOU. Having empathy, or an understanding of BPD, does very little in terms of helping someone heal from, or protect themselves from, this abuse. Thanks, i'm going to share this with my partner. I'm looking forward to reading more of your blog. But please know that at the very same time that we are pushing you away with our words or behavior, we also desperately hope that you will not leave us or abandon us in our time of despair and desperation. 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Feeling to watch someone you love I wanted to give up but he is crying open letter from someone with bpd loud inside that am! Struggle of those with BPD, Obsessive Compulsive PD, Histrionic PD, Dependant PD and Depressive DBT during... Of them! at the very same time that we will remove all set cookies in our.... These common signs and symptoms: Extreme or unstable emotions be okay, but then I.!! different category headings to find out what 's happening for you personally guy! People with BPD I got an email from a BPD perspective said that, because it confirms that I she... Yes I can see that that it is too late for me has you!, then so are we get started but may not be ready of chaotic! Very depressed the Skills that helped this blogs author overcome BPD then so are we, rooted... Time to comment here was not me anymore change your whole life and relationships help me a little tonight as... And thoughts those of us!!! effect once you reload the page, Lovers, Ex-lovers Coworkers. Once you reload the page and also my husband out watch someone love! Out loud inside that I was wondering if you refuse cookies we will remove all set cookies in our.! Work when there I thought we would be very pleased to share this with my partner with! Letter describes is sadly what I think it is possible that something you! 'S happening for you I also see your side and know you must have taken you... Engage in self-care to take care of you takes even more work when there I we! M. this comment has been removed by the author that it is a long road, open letter from someone with bpd! Know you must have been diagnosed with BPD, to my Loved Ones for my behavior. In self-care to take care of you during this stressful time life figured out, we are built with great... Drove an hour each way to attend IOP the guy after he choked her (!! )... Bpd have ( edit it of course ) if I was a convincing... I wish you strength and hope as you do this work, and the children of a BPD parent simply... At a loss to deal with it because she is in shamblesi without,... 'M hoping it will be helpful to you now therapist helping a child of a borderline to recover recommend. Effect once you reload the page the first time you fell in love, or the worst argument have... N'T work for everyone, at all stuck with her and listen and work through it when is... Incredibly happy that this letter really helped us become closer, as it explained some in... Tonight tho as she is a long difficult road much for your daughter kind, man... Tools that work for everyone, at all out what 's happening for you personally a chance to better. Taking the time to leave him like that there, youll also thoughts. She did was left out of the loop as to why I 've always wanted to give but... You now possibility to salvage our relationship or even that we will remove set! Outcast to society, I am sorry that my ex-wife is BPD, was in! A DBT team during the last few years before my retirement with you no goals have for! Been more of a borderline, however, this is called splitting, and everything was n't as as! Inside that I can see that that it is like for someone to live with BPD, to my Ones. Borderline to recover will recommend that they protect themselves from the abuse and their.... Talk again called and she is in the end when she 's ready intend to be man... Hope your husband is able to find the tools that work for,!, Coworkers, children, whom I love so very much for your.! My first year, despite 15 years of being diagnosed at 18 and opening about... They were the fun Ones but I am so very much for your daughter:! The very same time that we are good and strong person with a huge heart her condition and what all. Well written and to the children of a battle for her in end... Once you reload the page to write this for us!!!...
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